Bad friend epidemic?

observe and report

Got a bad friend? Got a few? I bet you do. We all do.

Okay, enough of the rhyme schemes. Get to it.

Suit yourself, we can jump in without a life vest. This one's been sitting on my chest and it's a frequent topic around here. Motherfuckers are horrible friends and it's no longer (and has never been) cute or ignorable.

When you think of friendship, what do you think of? I'm sure it's not betrayal, being taken advantage of, emotional and energetic drainage, and constantly being at odds....unless that's all your used to. Friends are supposed to bring a balance to your life, not snatch the balance beam from under you. In this day and age, having one real friend is a major accomplishment. A handful? You're one luck son of a-- well, you know.

Say Phoenix, what makes a bad friend?

You know I love examples, so I'll give you a few. Got a friend who treats you like their handler? Everything is at their convenience and they could give a fuck less about what you've got going on? That's a bad friend. Ever been really sick (and I mean really sick) and since you're not well enough to go out, your friend hits you with the "damn thats crazy" and hangs up, never checking on you thereafter. I'll give you a hint, still bad. Anybody that continuously puts you in fucked up situations? Really bad. A friend that tries to isolate you and always has a reason why they hate your other friends? RUN. A friend that wants to ride your coattail to glory but also wants to be the face of it all? Get a restraining order...maybe a crucifix. Must I keep going or do you get it now?

Bad friends are everywhere. It's a fucking modern day epidemic. They're old, they're young, rich, poor, male, female; they're literally all around us. They can probably hear us right now. And the saddest part is if you dig deep enough you realize how bad it really is and you start seeing how they are in every aspect of life and it all starts to add up.

So you're saying that bad friends are bad people?

I'm not saying that all bad friends are bad people (because some of them definitely are); I'm just saying that maybe they're not the best person for you. Sometimes you have to look at the other personal objectively. Not all the time, that's a little sick. But sometimes. Pick them apart. Their interests, values, how they treat you, how they treat strangers, babies, animals, and themselves. And make a little pros and cons list of the positives and the negatives (in your head preferably, write it if you have to. Yes I rolled my eyes.) If one side outranks the other, well.....this is the part where you look inside yourself and ask if the cons are worth overlooking, or not. Aht, introspection isn't over. What kind of friend are you? Would you meet your expectations (realistically) if the shoe was on the other foot? We're not just here to learn about and roast others. We're here to, in turn, be able to do it to ourselves.

Sometimes as you start to bend, stretch and expand with growth, your pieces just don't fit with people and things like they used to and that's okay. At least you're growing. And growth (in a non-physical sense) is both stoppable and unstoppable. You can stunt, or stop your growth by focusing on and surrounding yourself with people and things that don't encourage you to grow. Or, you can follow the breadcrumbs of growth and meet the people and experiences that are for you along the way.

A good friend will save you from drowning, a bad friend will hold you under the water themself.

Pick them apart, make a list, introspection...and then...?

Now you decide. You decide if there is a way to work the friendship out, or if it's time for a little spring cleaning. I, unfortunately, am not the little voice in your head all the time. That decision is entirely yours. If you make the wrong one, there'll (hopefully) be another chance to make the right one. And then you live with your choice, for better or worse; much like anything else.

Your powers of discernment and choices in people around you past this point, are totally on you. I hope you choose wisely; I know I've been choosing differently lately.

Fingers crossed for ya.

talk soon.

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