(Good) friends

how many of us have them?

We ragged on the bad eggs in an earlier discussion, now let's give the good ones their flowers (yes, they exist you fucking cynic. you just lack discernment and boundaries.) While a rarity they are both very real and attainable. But in turn, you must be a good friend to get, or even, keep them.

say Phoenix, what makes a good friend?

If we're being honest, everybody brings different things to the table and expresses both love and friendship in different ways. However, I've noticed a few constants. Walk with me.

To kick it off, I've noticed that a good friend is going to hold you accountable. And no, not in a mommy or daddy-like way where they are going to hold your fucking hand and guide you everywhere you are supposed to be or away from where you aren't; but in a way where as they are chasing their goals and fighting their own daily fights, they don't forget to peak over and say, hey buddy, how are those things you're supposed to be doing going? This is both in hopes that you're not being a fucking slacker and that you genuinely are out here climbing the ranks to reach your full potential. It's your job to know that they are not your guardian or caretaker, they're you're companion.

Now, your going to have hiccups, even with your good friends. But rather than let things unfurl into chaos and negativity, with a good friend, you both are going to learn and grow from the bad days. A good friend (while holding you accountable) is going to hold themselves accountable and be able to see the error in their ways. We all love the saying, it takes two to tango, but a good friend is going to show you that in live action. They're going to show you just how much farther consideration and understanding can go, even when you may think there is no solution.

Good friends are not the ones that only surface when it's time to party or they benefit in some way. Good friends are the ones that are there when it's ugly. The ones that aren't afraid to make their presence known when your so depressed for months, that you've only moved off your couch to use the bathroom or go to work. Good friends are the ones that when you're buried alive under the weight of life's bullshit, they're on the other side trying to dig you up with a shovel as you claw your way from underneath with your bare hands. And vice versa, because good friends need help too. These are the people that you know will be there rain or shine. These are the people you'd have no problem killing for and smiling in your mugshot.

but it always starts off like that

I told you you didn't have any fucking powers of discernment. People love-bomb, it's what they do. And it doesn't matter the relationship (platonic, romantic, familial). It's about the ones who do it from the heart, not with the prospect of their image in mind. When it's coming from a good friend, a real friend, it will come naturally. You will not have to give them a roadmap or step-by-step on how to be a friend, they will simply do it because it's in them to do it. Everyone is not your friend is a tale as old as time and it didn't just randomly become false or irrelevant. The people that are for you are for you.

well do you have good friends?

I do. I have a handful of really good friends that I wouldn't trade for anything (not even a stable life in this shitty ass economy). They have seen me through some pretty rough times in recent months; and have even played major roles in helping me mold myself into something better, as I reemerge into the world and make myself seen and heard on my own terms. I have one friend in particular, though, who has made the last six or so months surprisingly bearable. Not only am I proud to have someone like her in my life, I'm proud of the person that I'm getting to watch her evolve into a little each day. I actually wrote this poem in dedication to her (I hope you enjoy it):

the average person

says their best friend is their rock

or their anchor.

but my best friend?

she’s the outstretched hand 

in a sea of darkness.

the giggle between tears. 

a flower in Antarctica. 

rare and thought provoking.

she reteaches me the importance

of sisterhood

everyday. 

she is not just 

my “better half”

or my “other half”

she's the extra nudge I need 

to go harder.

a reminder that I’m supposed to take up space. 

she’s the sister my heart prayed for

when my mouth and mind 

didn’t know the words.

-in dedication 222 the rawest

I hope you all get to experience the kind of friendship my best friend has shown me exists in this world. And I hope it sparks a fire in you that lasts forever.

talk soon.