scared of your reflection?

no? cool, check out that mirror then.

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Tell you one thing, sure as hell ain't me (if it Is, please see a specialist at your earliest convenience). But in all seriousness, how's life going? Can you look yourself in the face? And I mean really look at yourself and be comfortable with who's look back? I'm just saying, some points in time call for reflection. And reflection is a big part of being able to face your reflection. Spring is a great time to clean up and let go of things around you.

Now, before we sit in a circle, cry and fucking hold hands, let's be realistic. Only you control your perception of you. Why do you think you'll never actually know what you truly look like? Looking at your brain's illustration of what you look like based on your thoughts and emotions. Ever wonder why you can feel like an ugly-fucking-troll (and in your head, look like one), yet never appear any more (or less) flawed to the outer world? If you are afraid of the mirror, you are afraid of you. What a hellish life it must be to build your own prison....inside your own body...brick by brick. And sadly my dear, there's no brave warrior, or overtly-aggressive-ogre and warm & friendly-talking-donkey coming to save you. It's you and only you.

so where do I start?

Do I have to wipe your ass for you too? What do you want? For me to crawl up your ass (pause) and treat you like a sock puppet?? Dig deep. Find your leaky walls, examine them and start working on how to patch them. You can't run for shelter from the storm of the hurricane that is you. You have to face yourself head on and get to the bottom of what is causing the storm. At the eye of the storm, you're not only going to find all of the fucking problems you're running from (self-inflicted or not); but some rays of light in the form of things you've forgotten or may not have realized about yourself.

It doesn't have to be all bad. It's about looking back at everything, learning from it and releasing the things that you've compartmentalized and pushed deep that are not good for you, or to you. How are you supposed start anew if you are still lugging around a box full of echos from your past? Find the things that feel like you and hone in on them. Until you are the most authentic version of you that you can possibly be, you will always feel like a fraud. And sorry to break it to you, but you basically are.

how is that shit supposed to make the mirror more appealing?

Well, you snippy little fuck, if you do the work, you'll be happy with who you are. Everybody always claims they know their self, but few actually do. We have these figurative closets, where we shove all of the things that we can't quite digest about our selves, our lives and the world around us. And sometimes, instead of doing a little spring cleaning, by going through this closet, we just let it get overly full. When that closet starts overflowing and spilling out into the room of our minds is when it gets rough. The mirror is right across from that closet. You might not necessarily be afraid of your very own reflection, but all the shit in that closet, spilling out and creeping closer to your reflection. That is what is hard to stomach. The things that you stored away instead of dealing with. Clean up your shit! Deal with the compilation of shit that comes together to make you, well, you (good and bad, don't piss me off).

Go through that closet and examine everything inside. You have to separate the things that are still worth having around from the things that no longer serve a purpose in your life. If they don't serve a purpose anymore, let them go. The only way to make room for new shit, is to stop hoarding old shit. The more bad shit you release, the more good shit you attract. All carrying that dead weight is doing for you is fucking up your posture and your outlook. (** Honorable mention: Please don't think that merely cleaning out this closet and removing what you deem "bad" is enough. When you're cleaning up that mess all over the floor and in the closet, be sure to clean up your fucking act too. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.**)

what about you? are you scared of the mirror?

Sometimes. There's no point in lying and trying to play Mother-fucking-Teresa about it. One thing I've noticed though, is that I only can't look myself in the face when I'm off balance. When I'm looking at this girl that's supposed to be me but I don't recognize or relate to her. There's this glass sheet between us and it might as well be a barbed wire fence.

I tend to be a bottler, bottling every drop of emotion I have up until any small convenience that shakes me up causes me to explode. It is not a very good or healthy way to approach life, so I'm actively trying to change it. I'm talking things out more with myself and others, the number of creative outlets that I use when I don't want to talk is multiplying daily; and sometimes (just sometimes), I reward myself with a good cry followed by an even better nap to really reset.

any final remarks?

Getting to know and be comfortable with yourself is not easy or linear. Its ongoing and we, as people, are ever-changing. Grant yourself grace (as I try to) and allow yourself to fuck up sometimes. But do not cut yourself so much slack, to the point that you allow yourself to embody a fuck up. Nobody likes a consistent fuck up that just can't seem to ever get themself under control. It's quite disgusting, actually. Be you, but make sure it is not to appease an audience. This is not medieval times, nobody is looking to hire a jester. Have foolish moments, but don't be a fool. Don't degrade yourself in the name of making others happy and then, just then, maybe you'll be happy with who you see looking back.

talk soon.